yesterday all i could think about was death and dying – in a vague way. i was filled with an intangible feeling of loss, but i had no clue was was going on in my head. and finally it hit me – a year ago my grandmother passed away. i had been so busy the last couple of days that i was not aware of the current dates. of course i was aware that the anniversary was nearby, i just had not realized that june was already over again. weired and fascinating that my subconsciousness was so aware of it.

in my familiy the anniversaries of the days of deaths were not as important as their birthdays  – those were the days when we all met on the graveyard and afterwards went for a coffee and lots of talking. my mother and her siblings continue this tradition, but not my cousins, my sister nor me.

my seldom visits of my grandparents’ graveyards – besides living a couple of hours away – has nothing to do with a lack of affection and love. (i wonder how mobility will influence graveyard traditions in our society in general.) lately i have been thinking about this a lot. i have realized that the graveyard is not the place where my mourning takes place. that happens in my heart – and i think often, i guess daily, about my grandmothers. if i was the one to choose for myself, i would veto against a grave and prefer to be burnt and the ashes should be spread into the atlantic ocean.