Last week The Husband and I attended a conference – together with the New Cohabitant.

It was so – strange. Familiar and foreign at the same time. I met so many people that I know for – what – how long am I stuck in academia by now – six, seven years?! We meet one or two times a year at various conferences, and the last time I saw them was about a year ago. So much has happened in this year – giving birth and all the processes that were released by becoming a mother. Not being employed at the university anymore. Being a SAH mom – there are hardly any female researchers in my field, and the few who actually hold professorships have no kids.

My advisor was there as well and she hugged me and I was so happy to see her. It is very unlikely that I will finish this PhD anytime soon or at all and I guess I need to talk with her about it, but that was not the right time.

The New Cohabitant who needs a better name soon is a wonderful show-around-baby. Smiling, happy, never crying at occasions like this.

The Husband and I split attending the workshops but as I am still nursing it was me who stayed at the room with the baby in the evenings. And honestly – that is the fun part of each conference.

It was stressful. But worth it. And still- I am wondering if I want to become part of this world again or not. Much to think about.