The Beast aka My Thesis


at least that’s how I feel. Not knowing what I want to do career wise, waiting for the Referendariat to begin, drowning in papers and preparation and unfinished projects and sorting through the backups of backups of backups – I never took the time to organize all my backups when the hard disk crashed a year ago. So now I do and I am facing just too many files and folders from various computers I had.

And I fucked up writing a thesis royally.

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school blogging.

So much time has passed by, so much has happened. Living with the New Cohabitant has influenced us and our lives. That sounds like an overused cliché, but it is true. To some extend it changes priorities and grounds one – but more in the way that these priorities have been there, latent, covered, and now become unearthed.

I have been wondering what to do career wise, having this unfinished thesis, an ended contract at the university. Six years and you are out and cannot be hired for the same position anymore. The idea is that you finish your thesis and move on to the next step. But I am not sure right now if I want to become a professor anymore. I have been in academia for a long time that I know about the not-so-nice sides as well, not only the shiny ones.

I am putting the thesis on ice for a while – especially as I will start to become a fully certified teacher in the beginning of next year. So to some extend the post title “back to school” is true as well.

I am looking forward to it although it will be lots and lots of work. As a friend of mine once said “The Referendariat swallows you up and spits you out after two years.”

We shall see.

K sent me her suggestions/corrections for the article which I have been working in. No energy left for thoughts about my thesis.

Spent a wonderful day with my mother – breakfast and unsuccessful furniture shopping for the child and visiting the Christmas market and lots of talking and laughter.

No energy left for the thesis tonight.

Visits from the in-laws and birth preparation class. No energy nor time to even look at the thesis.

Ah well, thesis again. I guess I need the public humiliation of my failure and thus decided to keep track again of my progress on this blog.

Goal: finish a draft version of _that_ tedious chapter by Jan 31st (unless the child decides to show up really early). That leaves 59 days to do so.

Content: discipline 1 (constructs, methods), discipline 2 (status quo), discipline 3 (normative approaches), discipline 4 (theory as a solution?), discipline 5 (data), my suggestion, conclusion for my study
(Note to myself: NEVER AGAIN A MULTIDISCIPLINARY THESIS)

Structure: That is the big question. Stop thinking about that and just start writing! There will be enough editing time.

Desired length: Uh, dunno? Until I have said everything that is important? No? Alright, how about 70 pages?

State of affairs: 105 pages – some of them are already solid own writing, but most of it is is still in the stage of gibberish: lots of quotes, lots of notes, lots of stuff I will not need and some figures.  105 pages might sound great, but honestly: no. It is like a skeleton missing flesh and fat tissue and skin. And in order to add that I need to read still a lot, as it is a fricking multidisciplinary thesis by now and I wonder if I need to start a whole new degree and graduate in various disciplines before I dare writing about content I did not really study for years.

I will not repeat the structure in the posts, just the progress and my failure – and keep track of the structure on an additional page purely devoted to The Beast.

I know that last time I had technical problems I said “The next time this OS/LaTex/JabRef/whatever does not work I switch to MS/OpenOffice/whatever”.  But the wonderful My Best Friend fixed it and it is running and wonderful and I have no clue what the cause was but I am just happy.

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